


love me or leave me

by kittyslies



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), One Shot, catradora, catradora screaming at each other whats new, our favourite angsty girlfriends, takes place before the portal episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22055251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyslies/pseuds/kittyslies
Summary: Back in the place she once called home, entrapped in another fight with the person she once thought of as home.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 80





	love me or leave me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blurryoceans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurryoceans/gifts).



Words came out in a rush of anger, some things not meaning to slip their lips but escaped anyhow. Rage seeping through the raised tones of their voices, neither of them taking a deep breath at any point.

So much had happened between them, fights were fought, too many times. Emotions became scarred, hearts wrecked, everything became blurred and shattered, reflecting the fragmented glass surrounding them.

Here they stood, chests rising and falling rapidly, in the one place Adora thought she wouldn’t step foot into again, not unless it was necessary. The one place she’d spent so many years, positioned across from the one person she’d thought she’d never lose. It brought back too many agonizing memories, ones she couldn’t bear to relive. The emotions attached to the recollections of memories made Adora’s chest clench, guilt, pain, anger, grief, yearning all settling in the pit of her stomach.

Her memory became fuzzed as to remember how shattered glass encircled them. Why was she here again? Back in the place she once called home, entrapped in another fight with the person she once thought of as _home._

It took all her energy to fight back against Catra, part of her aching for this to be over, for them to go back to what they were before all of this happened. They were stuck in this chamber of fights, arguments that seemed to never end. One point led to a counter-argument, all of them clearly ripe with emotion but voices never seemed to crack.

Breathless both of them were, but neither of them never took a moment to regain it within their lungs, but somehow the anger, which was extremely apparent in the atmosphere, fuelled them both.

They were both aware of how emotionally strong each of them were, words only seemed to get heavier and thicker with resentment and other emotions, which weren’t exposed as clear as their anger. The emotional barrier was never seen to be cracked or torn down, each of them chasing each other’s words, a never-ending cycle.

Adora’s fists became clenched at her sides, only in the denser instants of ire, not that she’d do anything with it, she wasn’t physically a violent person, only with her feelings. She’d released them when the moment climaxed, but it just kept occurring as Catra picked up another dispute, right after ending their last one.

Rows and chains of argument were starting to pile on the thin string they both held, neither of them keeping count of how contentions they blew through.

Deep down, both Catra and Adora knew how tough and heavy this whole situation felt on the other’s chest, but it never actually crossed either of their minds nor did either of them take a moment to consider it. Both minds so clouded, not being able to think with sense or form a clear thought.

Catra sniped back at her, her emotions obscured within her body, just craving to be released, in the reach of her fingertips. Hurt, pain, agony all balanced within the center of her chest. It took everything and more for Catra to keep her emotions where they had developed and settled in. She just couldn’t let Adora see that side of her, not again. Her guard had been let down too many times, that with time she learned to protect herself.

Protected herself from any relationship she could, not wanting to meddle with feelings again, knowing she’d come out broken.

It was arduous and exhausting to be trapped in the continuous and vicious circle of fights with Adora. That, however, never stopped Catra from striking out again after the last one reached its edge and finally crested.

No one else was in voice distance of them, all of them outside the building, while they both stood, watching each other, with the most thorough gaze they had ever delivered, glass and other shattered objects bordering them. The room was never quiet, once Adora walked through that door, finally having found Catra.

It started off with ‘‘what are you doing here, Adora?’’ and soon enough they reveled into something else, falling down a deeper hole of memories and emotions than they could have imagined.

‘‘Catra, you’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted! You’ve defeated me! You’ve won!’’ Adora’s voice slowly started to fill up with pain, she started to drown in the hurt Catra was causing, that they were both causing.

‘‘It isn’t enough!’’ Catra’s gaze became more filled with intensity than she anticipated, her tail waving back and forth, something to help her keep her emotions at bay.

‘‘Why isn’t it enough! Tell me Catra, isn’t this what you worked towards, taking me and tearing me apart? What else could you possibly want?’’ Her voice treaded on the line of desperation, in need of answers but still kept its frame up, not crumbling.

‘‘Don’t you dare claim I tore you apart when you were the one that _left_ me, Adora!’’ Catra practically spit the words out, stepping somewhat closer towards Adora, the heat of the atmosphere rising with every second. Her emphasis on the word ‘left’ was delivered with a puddle of emotions, all stained with tenderness.

The words hit her harder than she could handle, and it made her still, the raw emotion apparent in Catra’s voice.

‘‘I did what I thought was best, what I thought was the right thing to do.’’ Were the only words she could get out, not being able to form a coherent thought. Catra’s words hit an untouched area that she hadn’t allowed herself to wander around in, not since she joined the princesses, not since she.. since she _left_.

‘‘You’re gonna pull out the hero card?’’ Catra’s question snapped her out the fuzzy state she placed her in and suddenly she was bursting with anger again, ire rushing through her nerves.

‘‘You’re the one who chose to stay! I asked you to come with me! I wanted you to come with me, but you said no! Do you even realize how hard it was for me to find out that my whole life I was lied to?’’ The poise in her speech re-entered and she stepped away from the verge of collapsing in front of Catra.

Catra knew how to push her to the edge, she knew when and how far she could reach until Adora finally deflated, leaving her vulnerable. Catra was her weakness, she knew it, Catra knew it. It would never change, there were just too many memories, containing wounds that could simply not be healed. Even with time, Catra would still hold a part of her that carried her fragility and frailty.

Adora’s eyes were hard, her hands beginning to shake from the rush of the situation.

‘‘Do you realize how hard it was for me to see you leave, for you to find better people?’’ She spilled it all out faster than Catra could retract her question and she soon regretted her words. ‘‘We said we’d never leave each other, we made a promise. You threw it all away for those people.’’

‘‘God, Catra, you gave me no choice! You didn’t want to come with me! Stop blaming me for this, when you know I asked you.’’ Her voice was tightening with tension, anger pouring from her body language.

Adora remembers that day more vividly than she could comprehend, the smoke, the fire, the vast voices of screams and shouts, and most importantly, Catra’s face. Images and moments flickered throughout her mind, flooding in and out faster than she could grasp.

_‘‘Come with me, you don’t have to go back there. We can fix this.’’ Adora pleaded, desperation clouding her voice, despair clearly apparent._

_‘‘Are you kidding, you’ve known these people for what? A, a couple of hours? And now you’re going to throw everything away for.. them?’’_

_‘‘Why, why are you doing this?’’ There was a pause, a short silence between them._

_‘‘Because you left me!’’_

But what placed such a heavy and thick cloud over her chest, was Catra’s face, after seeing Adora detransform.

_‘‘Catra..’’ Her name left Adora’s lips, in some way to try and get her to stay, for her to explain all this, but it was useless. There was no way to describe how Catra felt, first looking as if someone created a fresh wound, but then anger flooding her complexion moments later. She disappeared into the thick shadows, vanishing from Adora’s eyesight._

‘‘I couldn’t leave everything behind, not in the way you ran off to those people.’’ Spite and venom rolling on her tongue as the words came out.

‘‘I ‘‘ran off’’ to them because they seemed to care about doing what’s right, they didn’t lie to me, they were honest, they were _good_ to me.’’ Chest heaving, rising and falling, watching Catra’s reaction. They were only a few feet away, each of their small breaths collided with one another as they were let out.

‘‘Why can’t you see how much it hurt me!’’ Catra’s voice was louder than it had been in any of their previous fights that day, her voice cracking at the end, something unknown.

Adora saw the various flickers of agony, hurt and affliction in Catra’s hues as she stared back at her, grasping for words, for something to form, but it never came.

The silence dragged on neither of them saying anything, atmosphere dense and deep with broken emotions. Eyes disconnected, both eyes on either the floor or the walls that enclosed them. A habit that Adora exposed either when she was nervous or about to burst from such a heated conversation, her teeth worried and gnawed at her bottom lip.

‘‘You know what Ado-’’ She began, knowing it was another pointless fight, like all the other ones they raced through.

‘‘Why do you care so much about them?’’ Adora’s head snapped up, tracing the features on Catra’s face.

She seemed confused, not knowing what Adora meant, but soon enough realized who she was referring to.

‘‘Why does it matter?’’ Were the only words that stumbled out from Catra.

‘‘You never used to care about what other people were doing. Why did that change?’’ Catra heard the tone of Adora’s voice, she wasn’t backing down unless she got answers.

‘‘I don’t care about them, stop pushing it, Adora.’’ Her teeth become gritted and her words full of tension.

‘‘No, you know what, Catra, I can’t seem to get a straight answer from you and you’re not getting away from this unless you answer me. Why do you care about them?’’ She moved just an inch closer to her, repeating the question.

The distance between them was dangerously low, Adora’s breath tickling Catra’s lips, the feeling unfamiliar from all the nights spent laying together, warmth from both of them, blankets tangled within each of their bodies, falling asleep after their late-night conversations.

A broken memory, a faded picture, nothing more, nothing less.

‘‘That’s why you came in here to find out? Why I care about your precious friends? Seems like you care a lot more for them than you did for me.’’

Adora processed that for a few moments, blinking at the woman inches away from her.

‘‘You’re jealous? That’s why you care so much, isn’t it?’’ The words came out breathless, Adora finally coming to realization.

Catra scoffed a laugh, bitterly biting down on Adora’s words.

‘‘I’m not jealous, Adora, I’m against your beloved friends, who are trying to take me down, so yes I have to watch out for their actions, so I can plan my next move. Really, Adora, I think this princess stuff has really made you delusional.’’ It played out smoothly, but it was bullshit. Adora knew it, she knew Catra, she had known her for all her life, they went through everything together and she excepts her to believe that? Catra wasn’t even looking at her, tracing along the outlines of her fingertips, focused on her palm.

Before Adora could say anything, Catra started wandering around the room, creating some space between the two of them. Adora was too close and the memories of both of them in such confined spaces, holding each other wouldn’t stop flaring throughout her head.

‘‘That’s bullshit.’’ Adora didn’t use vulgar language often, so it gave Catra a little shock when she heard it, but she moved on quickly, her anger evading any clear thoughts, the emotion not allowing her to think about anything else.

Catra flared up. ‘‘I don’t see how that’s bullshit.’’

‘‘You and I both know it is! Just look me in the eye and tell me the truth, the real answer to that question, Catra!’’ Adora’s raised voice echoed throughout the room.

Catra took a few deep breaths, the first few she’d been able to take ever since this started. Her orbs connected to Adora’s, a shiver crawling within her bones once she did.

‘‘I don’t care about them, I’m not interested in them, I only think about how they took you away from me.’’ The raw emotions were back, tone of voice thick with something Adora couldn’t quite pinpoint.

‘‘They didn’t take me away from you, I was always here, you had me, and you lost me.’’ Her words came out in a whisper, under her breath, unsure if it reached Catra’s ears.

Unknown to Adora, Catra did hear those words, wincing inwardly at the last part. Catra, herself, couldn’t deny it. The situation was so crumbled and messed up, that although Adora left, Catra didn’t do much by constantly pushing her away after she did.

‘‘You let me go like you were the only one holding on!’’

‘‘You forced me to let you go! Why did you force me to let you go Catra, why!’’ The crack in Adora’s voice was obvious, Catra was pushing her to the edge and there was nothing she could do about it. The question burned through her, nerves and muscles flaming with affliction. 

‘‘Because I love you!’’ Catra couldn’t take it any longer, emotions escaped the bay and flew out like waves on a windy day. Her hues were glossy, consisting of so many emotions combined, Adora didn’t know which one to pick up on.

The atmosphere around them shifted, the four words hanging in the thick tensional air. Adora gazed back at her, mouth opening and closing, not being able to form a lucid thought, let alone a thought.

‘‘Do you know how it crushed me, shattered me when you left? All the nights I wasted thinking about how you would just walk through that door again, but you never came. You weren’t here when I needed you the most, you weren’t here, Adora!’’ Catra’s voice dipped and covered in taunt, her throat sounding abundant and dense with frustration. Her orbs remained glossy, but she was distant, drowning in the hurt between them.

Adora didn’t need another moment to know what she was going to do. Catra was positioned across from her, watching as her hands began to shake. Adora darted across the room, pace picking up as she got closer to Catra and stopped just as their noses were inches away, reflecting the positions of their lips.

Catra watched Adora carefully, questioning, wondering what she was doing.

Adora placed her hand against her cheek, her thumb stroking one of the fallen tears that went unnoticed, as she leaned forward, slowly to not freak Catra out. Lips just about brushing against one another, each other’s small, shallow breaths lingering in the tight space between them. It’s a soft press from Adora’s lips but Catra can’t stop her eyes fluttering shut, sinking into the kiss, absorbing her every thought.

It takes the breath out her lungs, kissing Adora back, something she’s imagined in the last few months. Her lips are soft but tender and she can’t help leaning more into the kiss. Her hand is still on Catra’s cheek, the skin warm under her touch. Her eyes closed under her hooded lids and Catra can feel the way Adora smiles into the kiss.

Moments later, as they’ve both pulled apart, there’s something different about the way Catra gazes at her, glimmering with a changed emotion.

Catra goes back for it, attaching her lips with more force, it’s a long kiss, with more passion, her hand sliding up to rest on the side of Adora’s neck, holding her as close as possible. Adora places her other hand on Catra’s cheek, feeling the tenderness of it. Each of them fuel the kiss, both kissing back with as much as the other and they soon feel breathless again. But somehow Adora is the one helping her breath, she was the one that stopped her hands from shaking and the tears from sliding down her face.

‘‘I love you too.’’ Adora lets the phrase fall from her lips, the three words still coming out hushed from all the breathlessness of her lungs.

‘‘And I’m not leaving you again, I’m here now and I’m staying.’’ The assurance in Adora's face let her heart settle and her chest no longer felt heavy. 

‘‘You promise?’’ Catra repeating her own younger self’s words.

‘‘I promise.’’ 


End file.
